I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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