i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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