5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I could make wine with my vomit
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
