every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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