Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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