i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
