My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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