Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
