my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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