your thong is hanging out like whoa
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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