i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
