worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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