I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Mom said you looked used
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
