So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
