I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
