I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
