we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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