Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My first STD was from a foam party
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
