We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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