I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Dicks are not precious.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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