Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
