he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
