I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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