soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
