I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
