my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
