We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize