I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So much rum. So many feels.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
