I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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