man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
