I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
