So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
