the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
