Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We had sex on a dog bed..
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
