I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
