we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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