The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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