she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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