Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
