she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
