i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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