I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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