a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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