P.S. I can't hear my feet
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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