There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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