and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
