He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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