what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
