sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
