the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I faked an abortion last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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