i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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