Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we're making bets on your personal life
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
