He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
there is glitter all over my balls
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