If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
