You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
