my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
