If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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