My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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