I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
