I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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