Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
