I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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