last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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