we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Let's paint friendship bongs
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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