if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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