i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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