I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
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Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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