Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
