I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
