when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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