Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
