dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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