I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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