That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
