We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
