even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
