I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
