my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
