Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
